3:48 p.m.

So, what started as a relatively happy day has suddenly gone on a downbeat.

I made my portfolios, I sent them off, I'm going out with friends tonight, and I'm all excited about my interview at York tomorrow...yet, I feel extremely sad. The really frustrating thing is that I can't blame anyone but myself. This sucks.

I wish I didn't want anything. I wish I could be satisfied with what I already have instead of WANTING what I know I can never have. While I was in Vietnam, I told myself that once I got back to Canada, I was going to stop wanting this one thing because, if I didn't, I was going to end up killing myself. So I distanced myself from it, because it hurt so much to see it everyday and realize that it was always going to be out of my reach. And so far I've been successful. Until today.

Today, all the want that I had been trying to surpress for so long just came flooding back. It hurt. I have this big mish mash of feelings, mostly envy because she has everything and she doesn't know it, frustration because she doesn't deserve to be hated because she is such an infuriatingly good person and it sickens me that I sometimes find myself hating her, sadness because he has no idea how much his kindness hurts me, and regret because I know that had I done things differently two years ago, things could've been different.

I'm going to sigh now, because it's almost over anyway and in a few months time, none of this is going to matter.

Wish me luck during my university interview.

Yours...