6:38 p.m

Stayed home from school today...I wasn't skipping, it was totally legit (honest officer) 'cause I woke up feeling like I was about to chuck some major cookies...not that I did, but that's just my crummy luck. It didn't last all day, but I didn't show face at school anyway 'cause it was too much trouble and I needed a mental health day (don't we all?).

So, what did Lena do during her day off from Crime and Punishment High? Well, as that 'War' song goes "Absolutely nothing! (say it again!)" Comp, TV, food, running amok talking to myself, and then a short trip to the biblio for some looooong overdue research, but otherwise abba-so-lute-lee naawwwwwthing. Good 'cause I was completely useless for a while and didn't do any work...bad, because it gives me more than enough time to think myself to death.

One of the many thoughts running through my head today: this whole unrequited love thing with S. I'm not exactly ashamed to say this (though I won't really paste it on a billboard), but I, at almost seventeen, have never kissed a guy. I've LIKED guys, so I know I'm not a lone lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that lifestyle for all the Pride people out there), but I've never really pursued relationships because...I dunno. My infatuation with boys (or men or whatever) was never really based on this whole 'I want to be with them' idea...it was more 'I want to BE them'. Not in an I-was-meant-to-have-a-penis type deal, but is it just me, or are guys just more assertive? Whenever I talk to a girl about my insecurities, she nods sympathetically and goes "I know, it sucks" (I do this all the time...I know, it sucks). But whenever I talk to a guy (like L. or, very infrequently, B.), they go 'Don't think about what other people say and forget about it. Or, if they really piss you off, beat the shit out of them.' I think it's just that girls take things too much to heart, while guys take things head on. I envy that kind of straightforwardness...it's so uncomplicated. Of course, I could be totally wrong about this, in which case, guys do a better job at fronting their self-assuredness, which I also envy.

SEE? THINKING WAY TOO MUCH! DAMMIT LENA!

Yours with undying love...(not really, but it sounds dramatic, non?)