2:25 a.m. (Australia Time)

Am currently in Melbourne, which is pretty much like Canada except that it's December with no snow and temperatures hitting the thirties...that's pretty fucked up in my mind's eye, but I'm just a hicky provincial aren't I?

So I can't sleep 'cause I fell dead around nine-ish and woke up early and can't fall back asleep 'cause I'm a messed up piece of shit...our plane leaves for Vietnam in about four to five hours and I'm getting a little nervous 'cause everyone's been telling me how Vietnam is a veritable shit-hole with mosquitoes attacking you en masse and the food contaminated with gross bacteria and the locals trying to rip you off...should be fun, right? Jesus Christ.

I miss home soooo much. I've been gone for a week but I still miss it. (Hong Kong and Australia have been good to us so far but...*sigh*) I guess I'm a real home-body, even though I always complain about how much time I spend inside my house and not having a life etc. But I just long to be comfortable and sleep in my own bed and take a shower without having to worry about something crawling into/onto me. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? Global Villaging is fine and dandy, but 'home is where the heart is' *cue cheesy music*.

Of course, the fucking plane rides do nothing. For all the money you pay just to get a GOD FUCKING SEAT, they ought to make it a TEENSY FUCKING BIT more comfortable. Whoever thought the whole packing-sardines sensation leads to a 'relaxing, enjoyable flight' needs to be shot, disembowled and stuffed on a plane (ECONOMY CLASS!) to some desolate rock. Does an extra two square feet of space seem too much to ask for us cheap-ass, non business-class type? DOES IT?

But before you start thinking it hasn't been fun, I'll say that it hasn't been bad. Hong Kong = lots of shopping. Melbourne = zoo, kangaroos, beach, fun. But as for Christmas, well that's just going to shit. It doesn't even FEEL like Christmas. Too bad. And I like snow too.

Oh well. At least I'm not at school.

Yours...

VIETNAM=??? We'll see.

Have a Safe and Happy Holidays

(Ever wonder why Charlie Brown doesn't just kick Lucy in the face whenever she takes away the football?)

Yours...

6:28 p.m

Very, very busy night...I'm going off to Cabaret later. But oh...what heartache have I.

I hate it...HATE IT...when I want something that I can't have. It hurts so much. The idea is that a guy that I really like was in love with a girl that I know and respect and just cannot hate yet I DO SO MUCH RIGHT NOW because she has something and she rejected something that I WANT SO BADLY yet cannot have. It's not fair, but I guess it's mostly my fault anyway.

I wonder why guys don't like me. Maybe it's because I scare them.

10:22 p.m

Ok, I promise no more emotional loopty-loops...for now.

Anyway, I finished my stupid English ISP essay...2, 608 words on absolute bullshit. I haven't read it over and I don't think I'm going to, even though I should. I hate essays, I hate work, I hate school...now, if there were a career that didn't require essay-writing, work, or formal education AND have fantastic pay, then sign me up! (Well, I guess Las Vegas stripper would pay pretty nicely, but those g-strings look mighty uncomfortable).

I'm getting my Hepatitis A shot tomorrow...SPEC-TA-CULAR! Actually, I should be getting a whole slew of shots for my trip to Vietnam (a.k.a. Avian flu breeding ground), but we kinda left the whole 'lets get vaccinated so we don't die!' deal a little late...therefore, we're not getting our malaria, polio, Japanese enciphilitis or Hep B shots...so Hep A and some food poisoning pills will have to do.

*Sigh* I might have to miss Cabaret...for a stupid piano lesson that is scheduled at the ABSOLUTE WORST TIME POSSIBLE. I'm going to have to call and check on that.



Maggie kicks ass!

Yours...

12:04 p.m

Nobody hugged me...sad am I.

Anyway, I'm proud to introduce of THE PSYCHEDELIC! BUNNIES !

Our debut album is called GOING AT IT LIKE THE PSYCHEDELIC! BUNNIES

Tracks include metal head-bangers like 'Stop Petting Me Freak!', the soulful R&B "You Make My Fur Stand Up" and TRL-worthy ballads like 'The Other...White Meat'...includes bonus track, the raunchy 'Lick My Carrot Stick'.

Ha...yeah, I'm bored, but it cracked ME up.

Yours...

(Does anybody get the exclamation mark?)

2:18 p.m

Say 'Hello' to me...Our Lady of Perpetual Whiny-Ass Depressing Bullshit

Ugh...

I'm leaving the country in a week for three weeks of sunnin' and culturally-rich funnin' (or so my dad says) and I'm depressed out of my mind. Well, I guess describing myself as 'depressed' might be an insult to those who are actually clinically depressed, but I'm so very...sad.

Here are the things that are making me sad:

- My friends have completely abandoned me, preferring to see me only during school hours and spending all their leisure time with their boyfriends

- I've been labelled as 'dark', which is not a good thing...apparently I'm very morbid, though that isn't the word I would use to describe myself..."death-defyingly dull and sad" is more like it

- The guy that I like barely acknowledges my existence

- The guy I don't particularly like wants to meet me with the hopes that he won't find me absolutely repulsive so I could become his girlfriend (insert gag reflex here)

- I am continually dwelling on my regrets

- I have no idea what's going to happen next year

- I need to apply to university

- SCHOOL SUCKS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- I'm going to die. Alone. And old. With lots of cats. That I'm allergic to.

Now, here's a stupid question somebody once asked me...'Have you ever contemplated suicide, Lena?' (Image of televangelist-like person handing out pamphlets with the words 'Suicide: Is it for you?' scrawled on them) My answer to that is a vehement 'NO, you sick dickwad. I know better.'

Jesus, some people are stupid.

I need a hug.

Yours...

7:56 p.m

"I need a life/girlfriend/iPod"

Hahahahahaha....Gareth, you kill me, that's going into a script somewhere.

Anyway, remember that meltdown that happened last post? It continued and intensified today. I don't know what triggered it, but during lunch I was just overwhelmed by this feeling of self-disgust. I started crying and I hate crying because everyone looks so goddamn ugly when they're all teary, so I hid behind my hair and tried to review some music technique...but, like the mood-swingy bipolar piece of shit that I am I started to feel all better about a half hour later...Jesus Christ!

You want to know what I think? I think I'm under a lot of stress. I think this whole applying-to-university thing is killing me. I think I have too much goddamn work (though I don't really want to do any of it and have so far done a good job of avoiding it)...I THINK I WORRY TOO FUCKING MUCH!

I also think I'm incredibly lonely. Holy shit, am I ever lonely. Sad, isn't it?

*Sigh*

Yours...