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Frank the Rabbit is Paused

12:42 a.m.

If I'm not happy, it's because there's something inherently wrong with me.

10:32 p.m.

I'm so stupid. I came so close to telling him. He asked for a giant secret. I said, ok, but only if you tell me one after I said mine. He said, "Ok."

I said: "I've been in love with the same guy for a year."

I could've said "I've been in love WITH YOU for over a year."

I could've said "I love you, I love you, I love you blindly, ignorantly, with no meaning other than the fact that I can't have you, I love you I love ILOVEYOU!!!!"

He said: "My secret is...I failed bio."

Great.

He has a girlfriend. He's happy with his girlfriend. They were voted Cutest Couple. I made the right decision. Right?

Ugh. I'm so sick of this.

8:40 p.m.

Wow, I hate children. They're like vicious little rats that just chew and scream and bite and scream and WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING LOUD? I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!!!!

So my sister decided to throw a party and Idon'tknowhowmanyfucking kids were just running around all over the place screaming and yelling and bossing the grown ups around. What the hell happened to kids? I remember, when I was younger, I knew how to respect my elders. My brother scared my shitless 'til I was at least nine or ten, but kids today are rude little mofos. You want to know what happened? Spanking stopped being "in". Yeah, all the liberal, ex-hippie lovey-doveys decided that children needed to learn through "other means" and started "talking" and "reasoning" with them. That's bullshit. Children can't reason! They're dumb! I say, fuck political correctedness and get the paddle back. A kid with sass gets a whooped ass. My parents never spanked me, but they got my brother a couple of times and THAT was enough to freak me out. But yeah, what the fuck is up with parents and their kids? Parenting seems hellish. Kind of makes me want to get my tubes cut.

Anyhoo, I'm graduating sometime next week. I have no idea when the grad day is actually taking place. Shit. I might want to find out, right?

http://franktherabbitfilms.blogspot.com

10:21 a.m.

GUESS WHAT??!!!!

I just finished my last exam (stupid French which I bombed) which means...

*dramatic pause*

I AM FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL BI-ATCHES!

HOLY MOFO RABBIT-FACED TURD! IT'S DONE! The rest of my life is now uncharted territory...'tis exciting n'est-ce pas?

I'm going to spend my summer thusly:

1) Working full-time at my mom's restaurant in July so I can have money to spend in LONDON! (Holy crap, stuff is expensive...a hundred pounds just for the train from Hertford...that's like, a gagillion cdn. dollars! FUCK!)

2) ENGLAND!!!! I'm going to go to Thames House and have a ghost walk and see the museums and re-enact the opening scenes of "28 Days Later" (you know, walking around and screaming "Hello!" everywhere)

3) GETTING THE NEW HARRY POTTER WHEN IT COMES OUT! AAAAAHHH! I know, I'm so geeking out, but I'm going to buy it, then I'm going to read it on the plane, even though I'm going to get mondo airsick.

4) MOVIES! MOVIES! OH MY GOD MOVIES! This is a summer staple. I haven't compiled a list yet, so I'm open to suggestions.

5)Other random crap

yay! I;m going to go get sick on mangoes now!

8:23 p.m.

Last official not-including-exams day of school. It was ok. "Bunny" got its premiere with an actual audience...I don't think anyone genuinely liked it, except maybe Dasha and Ms. M., but that might just be my chronic insecurity talking. We saw a bunch of other people's movies too...I loved H.'s film, it was so weird and cool and arty yet not pretentious in any way. It was AWESOME!

So, tomorrow is my Art Exam. How fucked up is that? To have an art exam? I just have to present by Digital Portfolio (which is posted at the postcard-of-a-fatman link here). It's not all that impressive because, compared to other arty people, I can't draw shit (well no, I can draw pretty good shit, but that is to say I can't draw anything else...I'm confusing myself.)

I just typed a huge long entry and blogger fucked me over. FUCK YOU BLOGGER. More later.

1:15 a.m.

I AM GOING TO ENGLAND!

YES!

Ok, ok...don't get hopes up, still need to book flight, pay, money, double, double assurance from parents, but right now, it all looks like it's a go!

ENGLAND! OMFG! HOLY FRANK! JESUS EFFING CHRIST! ENGLAND!

I'm going to act like such a tourist. I always make a point, when I'm travelling, not to act like a tourist...which is why I hate bringing cameras with me. I like cameras, I just hate documenting, I'm too lazy, but in England, I'm going to be one of those obnoxious North American tourists whose vowels are too nasal and who point and gawk at all the Britishisms. "OH MY GOD! IT'S BIG FUCKING BEN!" and the like.

The best part: I won't be going with my family. It's me and Samantha and whatever friends she has in London. That's going to be awesome. AWESOME! YES!

Ok, no hopes up yet. Nope, absolutely none.

8:20 p.m.

People always tell me I look grumpy. Or angry. To be fair, I am a lot of the times but not usually when they point it out. Usually, I just have no facial expressions at all, it's just, you know, neutral. I try it out in mirrors and I think "I don't look grumpy. I just...LOOK". But having seen a slew of recent photographs, I realize the problem:

I'm just ugly.

My jaw is too big. My face is too round. I have this weird mole on my nose and cheek. My dimples aren't the cute kind. My eyes are too small and too close together.

Ok, I can live with that. People always call me 'really smart' anyway...even though I'm not. Even though a million + people are smarter than me. I'm just the type of person who's smart, but not too smart, ugly, but not that ugly...you know, the kind of person people ignore easily.

i don't know why i'm typing this. i guess i'm just sort of putting it out there. of course, i could just tell other people around me what i think, but then they'd think i was just saying it because i want people to contradict me. and you know what?

they'd be right.

12:58 p.m.

I love movies. I just love, love movies. Movies are awesome, movies rock, movies are like Christmas eve, summer nights, swimming in the ocean, fuzzy bunnies and chocolate-mint ice cream all rolled into one. I love movies. And I love watching people talk about the things that they love and thinking: "Wow, this could totally be in a movie."

So, I watched 'The Godfather' again recently...goddamn, that's a good movie. I know a lot of people call it boring, but to paraphrase Belmondo in A Bout de Souffle : "if you don't like 'The Godfather' ...allez vous faire foutre!" Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa....

Went to see the school musical last night. They did 'The Wiz' and it was AWESOME. Good singing, good dancing, good music, really cool special effects. M. played Dorothy...you could totally tell she was in her element. Singing and dancing and being all drama queen is what she was meant. That's pretty cool.

About the whole 'Bunny' situation though. Editing-wise, it's done. But the BLOODY SCHOOL COMPUTER won't let me do anything, I couldn't convert my music into an MP3 so I couldn't synch it with Adobe and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Stupid administrator...ok, whatever, it's almost done. And I'm still happy. About the whole web broadcasting though...I don't know if I can do that. Not only because I don't know how, but I don't know if the actors would be up to that kind of exposure. But if they're ok with it, then maybe for a brief time...A WORLD PREMIERE FOR FRANK THE RABBIT FILMS!

By the by, I started another blog to gush about movies:

http://franktherabbitfilms.blogspot.com

It's kind of boring right now 'cause I'm using it as an 'in-class' journal for my art project.

Anyway, I'm outtie.

10:08 p.m.

BUNNY IS DONE! WOO-HOO!

So happy...edited for...what?...three hours more or less straight today and IT IS DONE! I'm so happy. Can't wait to show it to everybody. I'm going to kick some major movie-making ass! YES!

Ok, but aside from that, I'm kind of bummed. Mostly because I realize that my friends are kind of sick of looking at me. You know, I see a lot of groups of friends at school and they all seem so happy talking and shit and I only see my friends in class now...I'm pretty sure they can't wait to get rid of me.

Lonely...I'm so lonely...there's nobody...to call my own....

I hate that song, by the way. The chipmunk one. Hate, hate, hate it. It seems these past few weeks, I'm been a major bum to be around. I don't know why I'm not happier. No, that's a lie, I know exactly why I'm not happy: it has become to painfully apparent that my two best friends have boyfriends and would rather spend all their free time with them, with or without me. With me, it's just me being a giant fifth wheel. That sucks. Really it does. Happy couples really have no idea how fucking annoying they are. And I say that all bitterness aside...it's just common fact.

Ok. Bye.

5:44 p.m.

School is such total shite now...I can't fucking stand it. I want to kill everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Two and half more weeks. That's too much by two and a half weeks.

Yeah, I've had a really cunty piece of shit day. Actually, it was a pretty cunty piece of shit weekend. Prom sucked hairy rabbit balls. Friday was a shit boring attempt at writing a philosophy essay due tomorrow (two and half of six paragraphs done so far!), Saturday I met L. for the first time in person (didn't go well...more on that later), Sunday was as Sundays are and was boring as fucking hell.

Ok, about L. Honestly, he's a nice guy, rather boring, but not an asshole which is always a nice thing. But (and this is the thing that's going to make me sound like an insensitive superficial bitch) he has this birth defect thing. He doesn't have any hands. I knew about it before I met him because M. and K. told me and I was ok with it. And I was waiting there for him, looking for the guy without hands and I saw him and, I dunno, I just freaked. Like, I didn't run away or anything, but I was thinking about it the whole movie. It was mostly "What's the matter with me? Am I freaked out? Does it bother me? Yes, in a way, and no in a way, you know?" To be fair, most of my freaking out had more to do with the fact that I didn't want HIM to think it bothered me moreso than the fact that it bothered me. I was hoping to bring it up casually, but how exactly do you do that?

"Hey, I noticed you don't have any hands. What's that like?"

FUCK, you know? So, then I left and I felt all shitty 'cause I'm such a superficial whore, but I can't help feeling the way I feel. I mean, if you're not used to something, you're not used to something. I'm used to seeing people with hands, that's all I have to say about it. I'm not going to lynch him for it, but GODDAMN IT L.! WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO BRING IT UP?! I dunno, maybe he's sensitive about it which makes this post even more asstacular.

Fuck! I hate school. I hate people. I can't wait 'til summer when I no longer have to interact with shitters anymore.

10:13 a.m.

I didn't finish my list, but I'm posting anyway because it's my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.

Let's begin by saying that Prom didn't suck. It just sucked for me. That's mostly my fault. I knew, the minute I heard the loud music and the crowds of people that I didn't like that I was in for a miserable night. Ok, it wasn't miserable, but it was bad and sad and I can't help regretting that I went.

But I would've regretted not going even more, so there's that.

I'm...just...not...a...party...person. No, I'm not. I wish I were, I wish I could just go and be with people and not care, but I can't and god knows I tried. I had three trips to the bathroom last night at the banquet hall and I only needed to actually pee once. The other two times were just me, going in, psyching myself up. "Ok, Lena, deep breaths, smile, and GO!" Failed miserably. I didn't dance. I barely ate. Tried to sleep for about five minutes before C.W. screamed in my ear and then Z. asked me if I had a headache and I think I sounded really angry when I said "NO I'M JUST TIRED". And the whole night, I kept wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

Oh, but one bright spot: I realize that I hate this girl that goes to my school. Let's call her Skanktard. Just a majorly annoying, rude, bitchy little whore. I'm not going to go into what she did, because it won't seem like much to those who weren't there. How is this a bright spot? It's just really satisfying to know that there is one person you wouldn't mind dead at all. Good for rage.

The best part of the night for me was the ride home with M. and J. I know that sounds really sad, but I really would just prefer to hang out with a few people that I actually like than have a giant party with a lot of fuck-all people. I think at the end of the year I'm going to invite a bunch of friends over at my house and we'll have actual fun. Like, really, FUN. Waterfight and steaks. YES!