10:09 p.m

I am no longer crabby...no little thanks to a jam session to 'Spice World' and my own insanity. Am still dreading stupid presentation tomorrow...I'm just not good with public speaking...and it's not even a big project, it's just this stupid little thing that doesn't matter. But it sucks. With a capital SHITTY.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to M's show tomorrow...lots of singing and dancing to such classics as 'Thriller' and a Monty Python piece (Help! I'm being repressed! :) Brilliant) Might have a bit of a problem getting down there as I have no ride and don't know where it is...I'll worry about that tomorrow after my stupid presentation...not to mention my stupid in-class essay (FUCK the curriculum)...oh man, I think my bad mood is coming back...think pleasant thoughts, think pleasant thoughts, think pleasant thoughts....

Hahahahahaha....jam session to 'Spice World'...that sounds so weird....'Get Fuzzy' was funny today too...I am a lot like Bucky (except I do believe Canada exists, otherwise I'd be a no-man's-lander...or worst, American...lol, j/k to all you U.S ' ers...seriously).

I'm craving some delicious monkey. Mmmmmmm...monkeys....*drool*

Primate-a-ronily yours,

X

What I did today in no particular order: Woke up waaaaaayyyyy late (I had five minutes to get ready and get to school basically), skipped breakfast (AGAIN! tsk tsk), Writer's Craft (boring), English (boring x 2), lunch (U of T presentation...I don't know why I went, I don't even want to go there), spare, driving lesson (no hitting anyone! YAY!), spent rest of the spare with M who was displaying herself like a whore and she knew it!, history (ohhh so pointless...played Monopoly to learn about the 'Enlightenment'), took bus home, wrote beginning paragraph to prep for in-class essay tomorrow, ate Hamburger Helper (yuck btw), researched Marquis de Sade + mental asylums of the eighteenth century + found pictures of junk for overheads, went for a bike ride, watched fifteen minutes of various shows, entered blog once to rant about stupid ASSHOLE who told me to be quiet, entered blog 2, sleep...

4:42 p.m

I've come to a conclusion.....*clears throat*.....PEOPLE SUCK.

Well, no, not all people....just people who tell ME to be quiet. Like this asshole in my history class...it's not MY fault you're too fucking stupid to finish a test in ONE period...and it wasn't like I was talking REALLY loudly, I was just whispering with SC...besides, I'm always quiet, I'm a quiet person, whereas shit-faced losers like you spend most of your time screaming like fucking banshees....so, Mr. I-Can't-Write-A-History-Test-In-One-Sitting, FUCK YOU.

Yeah, I'm super crabby right now...mostly because of this stupid presentation I have to make tomorrow about stupid Quills...My ideal presentation would be: 'the Marquis de Sade was a pervert, the Hollywood people bastardized his story and softened it down so it could be widely released...the end.' But nooooooo...I have to go into historical accuracy. School blows goats.

AND I still have to read my ISP book AND I have to find a way to get down to see M's show tomorrow AND I still have to buy a freaking birthday present for LT (What the hell am I going to buy an eight-year old who's spoiled rotten? I dunno...I'll get her a book or something) AND I still have a shit load of school work to do 'cause it's grade fucking twelve and people are all like 'University is next year! You need to be responsible! You need to act like everybody's golden prodigy! You should always be perfectly groomed and your flatulence should smell like peach ice cream! (This last one makes no sense, but who cares!'

Yeah. Super crabby.

Bottled-furiously yours,

X

I will post more later.

5:03 p.m

You are Bucky Katt! Aloof.. bizarre...sarcastic...
volatile... You are a CAT, after all. You would
sell Satchel or kill Rob to have the chance to
eat a delicious Monkey. You don't believe in
Canada and you would prefer to drop a big rock
on France. You claw first and nap later. Tuna
is your main food of choice.

Which Get Fuzzy Character Are You?
brought to you by

I LOVE GET FUZZY!...I wish I had a cat that could talk

9:58 p.m

You know what show I love? 'Scrubs'. That's just a really good show...which explains why I watched that instead of studying for my history test tomorrow...immaturity rules.

Anyway, I feel extremely happy, which means I also feel extremely worried because I will, eventually, feel unhappy again which is never good. The thing is I have a shit load of work to do due really soon and I just don't feel like doing it. Yeah, immaturity rules but work really sucks and getting it out of the way doesn't. So...

By NEXT MONDAY, I will have:

1. Read my first ISP book
2. Finished my History presentation notes (not a hard thing to do seeing as its due Friday)
3. Started my second ISP book
4. Find and read 'Stupid White Men'

(I will add to this later).

Procrastinatingly yours,

X

What I did today in no particular order: Woke up late, had an early-morning bath (it really wakes me up but not in a bad grumpy way...I'm not a morning person), skipped breakfast (tsk, tsk), went to school, listened to long presentation on Isaac Besheevis Singer (sp?) in Writer's Craft, library in English, lunch at SC's house, talked to D during spare about movies, watched last ten minutes of 'Elizabeth' in History, went to conference for W's C, took late bus home, ate mac n' cheese, had apple juice, typed in first blog, watched a lot of TV, read other people's blogs, typed more in blog, had bike ride, am about to go out for another bike ride, eventually sleep...

4:23 p.m

OH MY GOD!!!! INSPIRATION HAS HIT ME IN THE GUTS AND IT HURTS!!!! (...in a good way...)

: ) Lalalalalalaaaa...

School today was absolutely fantastic. I had a long talk with D and Mr. S (no relation to Mrs. S) about our movie and it just WHAMMED right into my face. I'm not going to reveal plot here (because I am an obsessive paranoid individual who believes the world is teaming with plagarising yuck fucks...no offense)...anyway, the plot is all about perspective, VERY broad, but oh, the POTENTIAL!

Soooooooooo excited! So excited about another project too, but not here!

I'll post later when I'm not on such an endorphin high.

My-muse-loves-me -ingly yours,

X

7:54 p.m

I was just thinking about mermaids and how cool it would be to live in the ocean. ~~~~~~~~~~( :~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, just got some rather disturbing news that L was asking questions about me (apparently, he'd like to know what kinds of things I like so as to keep the conversations going on longer...). Disturbing because as I have made it abundantly clear (well, clear enough anyway) that I do not want to maintain communication lines with him...hence the blocking and deleting on MSN...though he might still have my phone number...shit...oh well.

There's this little irking feeling inside of me that's saying that I'm being cruel, 'cause I don't think he knows that I've decided to stop talking to him...to be fair, he started talking to ME...and yeah, I did start SOME convos, but I also ended all of them.

Suffice it to say, I don't want to talk to him anymore. He's nice, but I don't think I want to be friends with somebody who wants to fuck one of my best friends despite the fact that she's already in a healthy long-term relationship and doesn't seem to think 'fucking on the side' is a bad thing...

On a side note, driver's ed wasn't TOO bad today. Managed to not hit anything (though a couple of recycling bins were ominously close to the bumper at one point.)

Trash-crashingly yours,

X

What I did today in no particular order: Woke up late (7:30...DAMMIT!), had chicken n' stuffing sandwich for breakfast, went to school, Mrs. S was not there first period (we had some stupid Quebecois teacher who somehow had the logic that moving your desks around
to avoid the sun was much less taxing that CLOSING THE FUCKING BLINDS...goddamn), had 'mock test' in English (stupid), chicken n' stuffing sandwich for lunch, driver's ed,
recycling box incident, half-hour of spare talking to M and MZ, history (library, decided to do ISP on Salvador Dali after Vincent Van Gogh, Jack the Ripper, and Vlad the Impaler were already taken...DAMMIT x2), took bus home, ate taquitoes, cake, had two Sunny D
lemonade, watched The Simpsons, went for a bike ride, watched Spike Lee trailers on net,
read other people's blogs, sent email to D for screenplay, wrote in blog...

10:57 p.m

I tried going to sleep early...did not work. Now I am wide awake...on a school night no less...the horror!

School tomorrow...yuck...worst, I have a driving lesson DURING MY SPARE...oh God...I can't drive. Really, honest to goodness, truly, I CAN'T FUCKING DRIVE. I mean, God, staying in my lane requires a lot of concentration for me...I'm just NOT good with machinery. And this is, what, my SEVENTH out of TEN lessons? I think B is losing hope. I'm one of his really sucky drivers. Not only that but people will notice my sucktacular driving tomorrow...I'm scared shitless, I really am.

Yeah, so I really need to get better soon...or a lot of people are going to die.

Road challengedingly yours,

X

What I did today in no particular order: woke up, went for a bike ride, ate lentil soup for breakfast, started writer's craft paragraph, procrastinated, read some blogs, surfed net, fought LT, watched some Jacob Two-Two, went to piano lessons, made stuffing, stuffed chicken, put chicken in over, finished 'draft' for writer's craft, had dinner, talked about upcoming Christmas trip, went for another bike ride, finished writer's craft paragraph, ate slice of cake with questionable milk, watched a little bit of 'What Women Want' on TV, read a few pages of 'The Taming of the Shrew', tried to sleep, woke up, read more pages of TTOTS, got out of bed, went to comp, typed up this entry, made up the word 'challengedingly'...

10:56 p.m

That's right...I am actively censoring myself. So shoot me.

Yeah, I did what I quietly promised myself I would never do...which is NOT to delete
any post no matter how stupid it may sound because (in case you couldn't tell), I usually
only enter stuff when I'm full of emotion, good or bad (usually the latter) and I don't want
to just deny that the emotion ever happened because I feel that for this blog to be truly cathartic, I need to just allow myself to be me (take THAT Dr. Phil!). In any which case, I deleted a post because I felt it sounded stupid, contrived, and ultimately not a thing that
I would say or mean (which is a little difficult to justify because I did SAY it and I did
MEAN it...at the time anyway).

So I'm a little more concerned about keeping face now that I'm allowing comments again.

Speaking of, and this is just me humouring the fact that someone might actually be
READING this piece of crap on the web, please be nice. Seriously. I'm a sensitive
person and by saying something mean, you'll hurt me right here *points to heart
...or, actually, slightly to the left of center on chest*

Susceptibly yours,

X

Today I (in no particular order): Woke up, ate chicken and rice cake things for
breakfast, watched the opening scenes of 28 Days Later, surfed the net for
a million hours, had L call me out of the blue, talked to L in what turned out to be a truly boring and awkward phone convo, blocked and deleted L from MSN list,
procrastinated doing homework, downloaded (gasp!) 'One' by Three Dog Night, looked up 'Apathy', thought and thought and THOUGHT about own feature-length script, thought briefly on script for class, cooked meat (?) for lunch and ate it with LT (too salty), had A return 'Quills', considered researching Marquis de Sade for history&decided not to, watched 'Ginger Snaps' 'Kissed' and 'Notorious C.H.O' trailers on Video Detective, tied hair up
in a bandana-like thing with sarong that came with French Vogue, ate lasagna for dinner,
typed up heart-spewing blog entry&posted it, deleted entry, started new entry, watched Futurama and Family Guy, attempting to start Writer's Craft homework...

4:45 fucking p.m

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I JUST WANNA FUCKING KILL EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THOSE FUCKING FUCKERS THOSE STUPID FUCKING FUCKERS I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKERS AND I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING THROATS OUT YOU SONS OF FUCKING CUNTS AND I'LL FUCKING HURL YOUR FUCKING GUTS DOWN YOUR GOOD FOR FUCKING NOTHING ASS SHIT FUCKING FACES YOU FUCKING FUCK FACED FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO TO FUCKING HELL FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking spazzically yours,

X

1:13 p.m

Ok, just ignore my little spazz attack earlier 'cause I seem to have fixed the problem temporarily. I now have more pressing matters on my mind (of course, pressing might be a bit of an overstatement, though it sure does seem important to ME and, really, that's all that matters, haha).

So, I'm reading Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman, a truly entertaining book though it does sort of depresses me because I realize that I'm somewhat like him (that is, to say, I think too goddamn much over stupid things). Anyway, there's a little section that talks about Memento (those of you who have seen Memento should know the basic plot even if you don't truly GET it so I won't re-hash the gist here) and Klosterman writes that 'the strength of your memory dictates the size of your reality.' So, if you don't remember what's happened to you, then it never really happened. It's the whole tree falling in the forest problem...did it happen if no one remembers it?

So, the whole point is that this blog will have a new purpose: to perserve my memory, for ME. Should I ever succumb to Alzheimers or a really bad head injury, I will have a stupid little blog to remind me how pointless my life has been.

Forgettably yours,

X

Today I:
Woke up
Wrote my description without using 'to be' verbs
Mailed my canvassing kit (hopefully)

10:34 a.m

I HATE SCHOOL SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my GOD! I have to write this description of SOMETHING without using the 'to be' verb and it's killing me 'cause I have no fucking clue what to FUCKING WRITE HOLY FUCKING SHIT I THINK I"M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh!!! WHy do people have to put restrictions on stupid shit like this? I fucking hate restrictions! But I also hate no restrictions! WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST GO THE WAY I WANT IT TO GO? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

Writer's blockingly yours,

X

4:36 p.m

It's FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Supa dupa alla ka zupa.

6:36 p.m

I'm such a lazy ass...ahhhhhhh.............................

Lethargically yours,

X

6:31 p.m

Altogether, not a fantastic Monday, though not an awful one either.

The play this year is going to be beautiful. Visually, I mean, it's going to be gorgeous 'cause there's going to be so much potential. I'd be shocked if it doesn't make it to Regionals...especially since Mrs. S is directing this year. Mrs. M is competent, but her ideas don't have that original pizzazz that S does.

Pssst...I think S (not Mrs. S, S, a guy) is cute. *Girlish giggle*

Sickeningly girlishly yours (ha! two!),

X

9:24 a.m

Aaaahhh...Sundays.....suck.

Well, not really 'cause school has yet to become truly heinous. I finished my article yesterday, now I just have to mount it and make it pretty.

I'm reading 'A Clockwork Orange'...the slang is so weird...and then I'm reading the 'Taming of the Shrew'...which is going to be even harder...why do I choose such difficult stuff for my English ISP?

Weirdest thing and this will probably only prove that I think WAY too much and look into things FAR too deeply, but on Friday I had the distinct feeling that L was hitting on me. Ok, yeah, I started the MSN convo and it did go on for what, three hours with my consent but I didn't say anything weird. He started going on about how strange my answers were to normal questions and how I 'kept him on his toes' which is a good thing...I don't know...I'm being stupid, aren't I? I just think I'm so desperate for a boyfriend, I think any guy who so much as says 'hi' to me is flirting LMAO.

Ok, say he WAS flirting with me and a whole 'relationship' does ensue...would I want it to? I mean, this is the guy that used to obsess over one of my best friends, something I found grossly unnattractive, but then again he has proven to be someone completely different from preconceived notions (in a good way).

Whatever. This subject is confusing me. And yeah, I do think too goddamn much.

Mind-numbingly yours,

X

5:40 p.m

School wasn't bad today. Actually, I'm very happy...inexplicably so, in fact...huh...

Didn't run this morning because of the rain. Maybe later today.

Gotta write an article (yuck).

Signed,

X

P.S Just something I really liked because it made me feel less...alone. Lol

"As lonely as you ever feel, you are not alone."
-Zach Braff

3:45 p.m

Ugh. School has sucked the life out of me. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Not the classes...I have an alright year...lots of writing, which is good...no math which is even better...no French (yet!) which is SUPA DUPA.

But ugh.

For the first time in two months, I am very glad to be as far away from people my age as possible. Teachers suck ass too. And stupid, ANNOYING AS FUCK C. I can't fucking stand her. I'm sure she's a nice person once you get used to her, but seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY...one of the most annoying people in the world with her high, nasally voice and her LOOK AT ME attitude. Fuck C. Fuck school. Fuck EVERYBODY.

(And fuck the inventor of the underwire too...stupid bra...I don't know why I put this in brackets.)

Signed,

X

11:49 p.m

Feel sick and nauseous and feverish...threw up in my mouth and swallowed it again. Pain in my back...probably all the tension collecting in shoulders...and school starting the day after tomorrow...fan-fucking-tastic.

I'm such a loser...I've become obsessed with Cillian Murphy. I think this really is a sign that we, as human beings, are programmed to be completely taken by beauty. I'm hoping it's gonna fade 'cause I really need to work on my screenplay which is NOT going very well at all, FYI.

Cillian Murphy...the most beautiful human I've ever seen. Sick isn't it?

I'll probably regret typing that later, but right now, I mean it 110%. I don't know if I want to be WITH him or just BE him.

Anyway, those anonymons (new word) in cyber space who happen upon this page, wish me luck on my first week of school.

Obsessingly yours,

X

11:19 a.m

I'm swamped today...well, no, not really swamped. Swamped by MY standards anyway.

I have stupid piano lessons and stupid driver's lesson...I swear to fucking Christ, why the FUCK DO I HAVE TO LEARN ANYTHING? I'm very happy with being blissfully sub-par. Life would be so much easier if I were stupid...not that I'm not stupid, just that I'm not as stupid as I could be...I haven't reached my stupid potential.

Well, maybe that's not true, the whole stupid thing. I mean, George Bush is pretty stupid but I would imagine his life as being rather difficult. Then again, he is the President of a superpower. So I guess the idea here is to be stupid AND have no ambition. Totally do-able.

Signed,

X

11:24 p.m

Tomorrow's meeting...oh dear God.

I think I might've gained...shit, shit magruder.

So nervous...so very, very nervous.

SHIT.